An Intimate Love Letter to Asian Playboy: "It's Hard Out There For A Gimp"

DECLASSIFIED FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. FROM TOP SECRET TO CONFIDENTIAL.

*FOR MILITANT EYES ONLY*


Dear Asian Playboy,

Thanks for the email, JT, aka Asian Playboy, bka APB. I would've preferred it if you wrote it yourself. At least that promo from Christine wasn't a mass mail even though she sent it to everyone and their step-mothers. I would've deleted it as I always do when they don't address me personally in those event emails. This one won me over.

She's definitely a keeper for a Media rep. No spelling errors, run-on sentences, or dangling modifiers. I was ecstatic about the news! Like, "OMG!" I bet she has beautiful blonde hair like Thai gold and deep blue eyes like the white beach coasts of Okinawa. It's every disgruntled Asian man's dream to have a sassy Anglo-Saxon woman as a PA just to get back at those back-stabbing Asian bitches that show no love to their rice brothers.

Sometimes I underestimate the power of Ye Who Reels In The Fish. Take a picture of her for me and send it to me via email. I promise I'll post it. Please include any explicit details and/or talents as well -- just like they do on the porn video captions: "She walked into my bamboo hut like the skank she was, and then I showed this slut what beef over white rice really meant. Then I gave her a side of cream of sum yung guy!" (@Hung Lo -- use this shit!)

First things first, I don't hate you or your pet Better Asian Man (is he off a leash yet?). Just to prove that I don't, I will promote this event because I'm such a nice fucking guy that sincerely commends you for discovering a lucrative goldmine in a niche market of angry Asian men with low self-esteem. From a business perspective, to give credit where it is due, you deserve your kudos for being a self-made man.

On a serious note, and I've said this before, your gimmick is nothing short of a scam and I stand firm behind my views. You can keep doing what you are doing, it's a free fuckin' country, but just keep in mind that you are an ambassador to us all and we have you on a magnifying scope like a kindergartner trying to burn down his backyard. It's a peculiar case for us because we don't have a healthy image balance in the media yet. You know this well.

If preying on misguided White girls that can't live without China White or Crystal Meth is your thing, go knock yourself out and beat the back out that pussy any way you deem appropriate. You are smart enough to know what you're getting yourself into and there's nothing any of us can say to make you change your mind.

When your industry is doomed, just remember that Daddy Militant is waiting for you to take you into the light. Come to the light!! Give me your hand and I will forgive you my child. "The truth shall set you free."

Act One Scene One:

MILITANT: Come to Daddy, little JT -- let me show you the way. Please bring that little fucker BAM along too and keep him off the leash so he can jump up like a Jack Russell and lick my face with excruciating joy. I love dogs!!
  
APB: MILITANT!!!!! AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!! I SEE THE LIGHT!!!!


(Signed)

The Minority Militant. Out.


P.S. Please don't wear an animal on your back. PETA isn't fucking around these days. Let Mystery know the last time it was cool to wear raccoon was 1979. FYI, Plaid is in.

P.S.S. If they clown you on the news and slant the editing, since you are now on the minus section of the D-List right above William Hung and a couple notches below Mark Dacascos, the chickens will be waiting for you in the coop. The real bootcamp is right around the corner, my Asian brother. I hear them roosting at dark o' thirty every early morning: "BOK-BOK-BAGAWWWW!!!"

P.S.S.S. If you ever wanna have a non-violent confrontation like real men and sit around and have a couple beers while talking about the important issues that affect Asian men, shoot me an email when you are in town. With love, I feel your pain too.


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Backstory here.

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Promotion below:

Hi , my name is Christine and I'm the Media Relations PA for the ABCs of Attraction.

We have some exciting news! JT, the world famous Asian Playboy, is going to be on TV for the first time! And not just one TV interview, but two back to back TV appearances in half an hour to an hour long media interviews.

He will be talking about the Asian American men's struggle against media stereotypes as well as how to be more confident and successful with women. You have to tune into see how you and he can empower the Asian American man today!

If you don't know who he is or about his company, he is the #1 Dating Coach for Asian Men and his company, the ABCs of Attraction, is one of the longest and successful running Indie Pick-Up companies in the industry!

First, JT will be on ABC airing on Nov 1st in Boston. He’ll be discussing “From Geeks to Social Elite.” You can watch him on Channel 5 (WCVB TV). It will air on the ABC Sunday morning show Boston Cityline for half an hour to an hour long interview. You can't miss it!

His second appearance will be in Chicago on Nov. 9th on Chicago Philippine Reports TV. During this appearance he’ll be discussing “Empowering Asian Men and Battling Stereotypes.” You can watch him on the following channels: HD 26.6; Digital Cable Comcast 248; RCN Cable 175; WOW Channel 25.

To learn more about JT, his ABCs of Attraction and any future interviews or events, you can visit his website at http://www.abcsofattraction.com. If you would be interested in a link exchange, please let us know once you have posted the link to the ABCs website so we can then post your link onto Asian Playboy's blog.

If you have any questions or want to participate in a link exchange, please contact us at media@abcofattraction.com.

Have a great day, and stay tuned for more interviews and information from the Asian Playboy and the ABCs of Attraction!